*OR* Your Family Thinks You're Crazy!
I like the Hawaiian concept Ohana, meaning "Family", or
as depicted on the cartoon "Lilo & Stitch": "No-one gets left
as depicted on the cartoon "Lilo & Stitch": "No-one gets left
behind, or forgotten!" Yeah, that's a great thing, when it works
in real families, that is! Unfortunately, not everyone on the
planet has had that grace, that blessing in their lives. And Today,
I'm talking about "family", not just in the sense of "flesh & blood" ... but whatever you plug into, where you feel safe and loved,
being with your "tribe", where you can hang your hat, and be
being with your "tribe", where you can hang your hat, and be
yourself. That could be a workplace. That could be a church.
It could also be a community, or some kind of club or group
It could also be a community, or some kind of club or group
that you have functioned in for years, and felt "well-liked" or
understood. In short, somebody "gets you".
understood. In short, somebody "gets you".
Now, in the church, with Believers in Jesus, there is a dynamic
known as "The Family of God". I'm a part of this family ... HOWEVER, it does not meet in one place! It is all over the world,
and I have "brothers & sisters" in lots of places. You see, I left "family" for the kingdom of God. And I got Jesus' promise, just like he said: "Mothers, sisters, brothers, etc." And some of them have been more close to me than my own flesh and blood. Except for my "anointed" family here in Phoenix ... they love me so much!
(*Warning: I'm about to become very personal in this blog!*)
I come from a somewhat "dysfunctional" family ... the door only swings one way with most of them. I used to go and reach out, every chance I got, every holiday, every celebration ... for years. Until, one day, I said, "That's it. Enough. I can't do this anymore. They just don't appreciate me for who I am, can't accept me for who I am, and they are constantly persecuting me. I'm done." That wasn't easy to do ... but you see, nobody should be coerced to visit or "pay tribute" to a clan where you are just going to be a scapegoat for your entire visit.
I come from a somewhat "dysfunctional" family ... the door only swings one way with most of them. I used to go and reach out, every chance I got, every holiday, every celebration ... for years. Until, one day, I said, "That's it. Enough. I can't do this anymore. They just don't appreciate me for who I am, can't accept me for who I am, and they are constantly persecuting me. I'm done." That wasn't easy to do ... but you see, nobody should be coerced to visit or "pay tribute" to a clan where you are just going to be a scapegoat for your entire visit.
"We're not gonna take it anymore", a song I heard on the radio today, reminds me of this decision. But ... there is more.
When I was very young, I felt that I was different. And I used to cry myself to sleep at night, because I also felt misunderstood.
I liked to talk. I guess, I liked to talk A LOT. I had something to say! And my siblings made me feel low, because they used to call me "Speech". Yeah. Whenever I felt like I had something to say, they would just respond, "Yeah, whatever, Speech, there you go again!" They could not see that THIS was part of my gifting! And later on in life, when Jesus found me and became my Lord and Savior, it was even more pronounced. They just couldn't get it ... I wasn't trying to be "holier than thou", I only wanted to share what I found! New Life in Christ. But I was rejected and just tolerated for years. My Dad was truly, the only one that got me. But not right away. He was swayed by "popular opinion".
As I was growing up, I heard WORDS, particularly from my mother, saying things like: "You're not good enough. You'll never amount to anything worthwhile. You're weak. You are just spinning your wheels. Stop that banging on the piano, etc." Now, some may be able to "shake it off" etc. but NO, I was very young. I was hurt, as these words sunk down into my subconscious -- and I have had to deal with them over time, for years. They have taken their toll. I've had to fight back ... Yes, words can and do hurt! I have just recently recognized this Wall of Words which was erected around me by several family members, over the years, over and over and over again. I have had to take a Holy Ghost sledge hammer and Tear Down This Wall!!! Wasn't easy, especially today, as for the most part, honestly, I felt like crap. I was fighting off some "infirmity" which was, I think, an "attack" from the enemy against my health. The enemy doesn't want me to WRITE. The enemy doesn't want me to SPEAK. And surely the enemy doesn't want me to write songs and sing them either! But I won't stand for it. I'm a fighter, and I'm fighting back!!!
THE LIARS and THE LEGALISTS
Well, in case you haven't figured it out, these people have been listening to "the accuser of the brethren" and he (it) is a liar. The things that have been said about me (shudder!) ... I can't even begin to go into detail about that, but there has been one particular LIE that has been repeated for years. It has to do with me, being a MINISTER of the Gospel. Yeah, you know, I've been in the ministry for a long, long time -- in and out of full-time ministry, and I've been ordained and I've been a "pastor", a bible-teacher, a "music-minister" etc. but these family members, they get confused. Some of them think of me as a "priest" (e.g. Catholic), and think, "he shouldn't be married and have children" ... ohhhhhhh-ho!
In fact, truth be known, I have been married 3 times. The first 2 wives left me, turns out they were into heavy-duty witchcraft, and I was young & naive back then. Yeah, and maybe duped and impressionable! But, hey, I've been with the woman I have now for over 23 years, and it feels RIGHT, and I know that I'm forgiven etc. but ... not by "the family". No. They think: "The only wife that counts is the 1st one, and we don't recognize this woman you're with". Sheeeeesh.
Talk about "legalism". And hypocrisy. So, it's ok for some of you to have been married before, divorced and remarried, maybe even multiple times, but not Tony!! "We must hold you to a higher standard". Truthfully, I am leaving a bunch out of this blog, I could write a train-load more ... just suffice it to say that I have put up with a gehenna of a lot of dung from these who pretend to be "family", and say stuff like, "Come on back, All Is Forgiven!" Whaaaaat?? I know that is a trap, since I didn't do anything wrong.
I think what I really sense from them is jealousy. I am not 'poor little brother' that I used to be; like Spock in Star Trek V, I am no longer "outcast", and I have indeed "found myself" and have grown up to become something much different than what they would like to keep me in. I have changed, and they don't like it!
I am a man of grace and mercy. I could not do what I do if not for the fact that I have gone through both God's mercy and grace to get where I am today!! I will NOT be brought under any laws, doctrines of men, to place me under bondage, and so I say, "Lies, BEGONE!" And ... SO SHOULD YOU.
Has the "voices in your head", the labels, the slanderous names echo in your mind, making you defeated before you start? Or maybe your manhood or womanhood is under attack, because of the incessant lies told about you? If any of you have to deal with similar type "perils" as a christian, then I say, cry out to God. Or you may find someone skilled in deliverance ministry to "tear down the walls" if need be. Whatever the case, do not continue to dwell in prisons built for you by men. Prisons of the mind and soul, the worst kind!
I realize that I'm not throwing a lot of scripture into today's blog, and it sounds kind of "personal" ... but I am really writing to express my FREEDOM from a Wall of Words that has tried to curse me and hold me back, hold me captive, keeping me from fulfilling ALL the things God has placed in me to do! But I'm really writing for all the ones out there who have been likewise, oppressed as I have been. Do I forgive them? Of course. But sadly, a lot of them won't understand what has been going on until they take a hard look in the mirror, and get rid of their spiritual and religious pride etc. Those things can blind a person, and even more sad, can help harden someone's heart to the point where they don't even feel natural love toward a son, brother, father etc.
It is my prayer that those of you who are persecuted, cursed by words, harassed, belittled, told to "be silent" or gossiped about maliciously by friends/family, let it be known, that your day of vindication is at hand! You can be delivered, you can be healed, you can be set free from all the negativity that has been heaped upon you, so that your LIGHT has come and your full day can come to fruition.
I actually wrote a song, it's on my Behind The Mask album, it's called, "All I Ever Wanted" -- I wrote it, for them. It tells of the
As I was growing up, I heard WORDS, particularly from my mother, saying things like: "You're not good enough. You'll never amount to anything worthwhile. You're weak. You are just spinning your wheels. Stop that banging on the piano, etc." Now, some may be able to "shake it off" etc. but NO, I was very young. I was hurt, as these words sunk down into my subconscious -- and I have had to deal with them over time, for years. They have taken their toll. I've had to fight back ... Yes, words can and do hurt! I have just recently recognized this Wall of Words which was erected around me by several family members, over the years, over and over and over again. I have had to take a Holy Ghost sledge hammer and Tear Down This Wall!!! Wasn't easy, especially today, as for the most part, honestly, I felt like crap. I was fighting off some "infirmity" which was, I think, an "attack" from the enemy against my health. The enemy doesn't want me to WRITE. The enemy doesn't want me to SPEAK. And surely the enemy doesn't want me to write songs and sing them either! But I won't stand for it. I'm a fighter, and I'm fighting back!!!
THE LIARS and THE LEGALISTS
Well, in case you haven't figured it out, these people have been listening to "the accuser of the brethren" and he (it) is a liar. The things that have been said about me (shudder!) ... I can't even begin to go into detail about that, but there has been one particular LIE that has been repeated for years. It has to do with me, being a MINISTER of the Gospel. Yeah, you know, I've been in the ministry for a long, long time -- in and out of full-time ministry, and I've been ordained and I've been a "pastor", a bible-teacher, a "music-minister" etc. but these family members, they get confused. Some of them think of me as a "priest" (e.g. Catholic), and think, "he shouldn't be married and have children" ... ohhhhhhh-ho!
In fact, truth be known, I have been married 3 times. The first 2 wives left me, turns out they were into heavy-duty witchcraft, and I was young & naive back then. Yeah, and maybe duped and impressionable! But, hey, I've been with the woman I have now for over 23 years, and it feels RIGHT, and I know that I'm forgiven etc. but ... not by "the family". No. They think: "The only wife that counts is the 1st one, and we don't recognize this woman you're with". Sheeeeesh.
Talk about "legalism". And hypocrisy. So, it's ok for some of you to have been married before, divorced and remarried, maybe even multiple times, but not Tony!! "We must hold you to a higher standard". Truthfully, I am leaving a bunch out of this blog, I could write a train-load more ... just suffice it to say that I have put up with a gehenna of a lot of dung from these who pretend to be "family", and say stuff like, "Come on back, All Is Forgiven!" Whaaaaat?? I know that is a trap, since I didn't do anything wrong.
I think what I really sense from them is jealousy. I am not 'poor little brother' that I used to be; like Spock in Star Trek V, I am no longer "outcast", and I have indeed "found myself" and have grown up to become something much different than what they would like to keep me in. I have changed, and they don't like it!
I am a man of grace and mercy. I could not do what I do if not for the fact that I have gone through both God's mercy and grace to get where I am today!! I will NOT be brought under any laws, doctrines of men, to place me under bondage, and so I say, "Lies, BEGONE!" And ... SO SHOULD YOU.
Has the "voices in your head", the labels, the slanderous names echo in your mind, making you defeated before you start? Or maybe your manhood or womanhood is under attack, because of the incessant lies told about you? If any of you have to deal with similar type "perils" as a christian, then I say, cry out to God. Or you may find someone skilled in deliverance ministry to "tear down the walls" if need be. Whatever the case, do not continue to dwell in prisons built for you by men. Prisons of the mind and soul, the worst kind!
I realize that I'm not throwing a lot of scripture into today's blog, and it sounds kind of "personal" ... but I am really writing to express my FREEDOM from a Wall of Words that has tried to curse me and hold me back, hold me captive, keeping me from fulfilling ALL the things God has placed in me to do! But I'm really writing for all the ones out there who have been likewise, oppressed as I have been. Do I forgive them? Of course. But sadly, a lot of them won't understand what has been going on until they take a hard look in the mirror, and get rid of their spiritual and religious pride etc. Those things can blind a person, and even more sad, can help harden someone's heart to the point where they don't even feel natural love toward a son, brother, father etc.
It is my prayer that those of you who are persecuted, cursed by words, harassed, belittled, told to "be silent" or gossiped about maliciously by friends/family, let it be known, that your day of vindication is at hand! You can be delivered, you can be healed, you can be set free from all the negativity that has been heaped upon you, so that your LIGHT has come and your full day can come to fruition.
I actually wrote a song, it's on my Behind The Mask album, it's called, "All I Ever Wanted" -- I wrote it, for them. It tells of the
heartache that I went through for years trying to reach out to
them, and what I was really about ... LOVE. You can listen to
that song here: https://tonydlivahh.bandcamp.com/track/all-i-ever-wanted
I'm closing with a snippet from one of my fave bands,
I'm closing with a snippet from one of my fave bands,
TEARS FOR FEARS, and their song, "Shout":
Shout
Shout
Let it all out
These are the things I can do without
Come on
I'm talking to you
Come on
In violent times
You shouldn't have to sell your soul
In black and white
They really really ought to know
Those one track minds
That took you for a working boy
Kiss them goodbye
You shouldn't have to jump for joy
You shouldn't have to shout for joy
Shout lyrics © BMG RIGHTS MANAGEMENT US, LLC)
Thank you for your time and for reading my blog.
God bless you. Please support this ministry.
You shouldn't have to sell your soul
In black and white
They really really ought to know
Those one track minds
That took you for a working boy
Kiss them goodbye
You shouldn't have to jump for joy
You shouldn't have to shout for joy
Shout lyrics © BMG RIGHTS MANAGEMENT US, LLC)
Thank you for your time and for reading my blog.
God bless you. Please support this ministry.
There is a paypal donation button up above.
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